A lot has happened over the past few days that has made me realize just how precious life is. Every day, I wake up exhausted and begging for the clock to give me just a few more minutes of sleep. I remind myself that I have to go to work and have to do get up for a reason: Lily. Not because I want a new house, a new car, or a new purse...not for my own health (because we all know when you are pregnant you could sleep forever), not for my friends, but for my family. Meanwhile, while I am struggling to wake up because my sleep was interrupted with a one-year-old who is getting new teeth as fast as I can brush mine...someone else out there is begging to have a one-year-old to wake up with. As I take a shower, get Lily ready, and get myself to work (all with Kevin's help, of course), I'm secretly wishing I had the day off - just so I could do nothing for once, or at least not be in a rush while doing something. And then reality sets in and I realize that someone else out there is wishing they had a job to drive to that morning. I constantly find myself hoping for things on a daily basis that are beyond my control - especially selling our house - and I just finally came to the conclusion that what is going to happen will happen, whether I worry about it or not.
Last night, I got a phone call from my Mom...which wasn't out of the ordinary (seeing as though I talk to her two or three times a day). She asked me what I was doing and I could tell in her voice that something was wrong. She let me know that my cousin (who was 14 weeks pregnant) lost her baby. For some crazy reason, I wasn't shocked. It was as if I knew it was going to happen - but of course, I would never wish that upon anyone. It was like someone told me before my Mom did, that God was in control and He would do what's best for her and the baby. And He did. But, why wasn't I shocked? Why didn't I get upset? Why wasn't I mad? Because for once, since it was something happening to someone else, I could see who was in control. When things happen in our own lives, we beg for answers and hang onto words and actions that we think would change a situation. But, it never does. When you take a step back and look at your own life, it's hard to allow God to "let" things happen to you. But, He does. And they are all for a reason...you just may not get the answers when you want them. I guess that's L.I.F.E.
The picture above is just half of my heart...and here is the other half:
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