Reality.

After a few days of pure stress (I wish I was typing the word "bliss" instead of stress...) and meltdowns (Lily isn't the only one that has them!) we decided to go visit Kevin's parents for the weekend at the beach. We had a wonderful and relaxing weekend in Wilmington and Lily was able to experience the beach "for real"...she was only 3 months old when she first went, so of course, this experience allowed her to do a lot more. The beach isn't too exciting when you can't even sit up! This time, she loved the fact that the sand never ended and she could run as far as she could possibly want to. And she did. She played soccer with Grandpa and her Daddy and enjoyed laying under the umbrella (in her own beach chair!) with Grandma and Mommy. However, I was on the outside of the umbrella trying to catch some rays! She thoroughly enjoyed herself but to make sure she didn't get sunburned (she was also wearing 60 SPF!) we only stayed a couple of hours. Ironically, her Daddy was the one with the painful sunburn.

This week has been a hard one. Lots of hoping and wishing, but mostly, lots of tears. From me, of course: the over 7-month pregnant woman who is trying to sell a house, buy a house - that her husband built "with his own hands" - and trying not to go crazy in the meantime. I can honestly say that this is the first time in my life that I have worked SO hard for something, but am not in control of the outcome. Do you know how frustrating that is? Some might, because they've been through similar situations. But, others won't and probably never will. And that's okay...it's just tough to be going through all of these changes at once.

Kevin is the best husband and Daddy in the world. He really is. Although, I don't tell him this nearly enough. When we were talking last night and trying to put things in perspective (and trying to justify why this is happening to us) he said "You know, we've been lucky in other ways." And through my tears, I was trying to understand what he meant. Yes, I think we've been lucky, but I also think we work hard. And hard work is always rewarded - in various forms - so being lucky isn't really what I call it. And we sat there in silence like we knew what the other one was thinking...

As I was thinking to myself there was nothing left to say...we sat and stared at Lily wallowing on the floor in the living room, laughing at herself because she was purposely tripping over all of her toys. She was also giddy because her Daddy was tickling her...she adores him. And then...as I tried not to cry, I said, "You are right...we are lucky...not everyone has a beautiful, healthy little girl and a baby boy on the way. What a perfect family."

I know I'm lucky. I just have to remind myself every once in a while.