The Gift of Life

I've been wanting to write the girls' birth story forever and I have obviously not had a spare second of time since the moment they arrived.  To put it simply, it was amazing.  Every little detail...from the doctor that told me "today is the day"...right down to the moment I heard Sadie cry for the first time. I will never forget those moments.  I'm crying just thinking about how relieved I felt to see them and confirm that yes, I really did what everyone thought that I couldn't do.

It started during the early morning hours on Wednesday, October 20.  At 2 a.m. I told Kevin I had been having contractions and asked his opinion about whether or not I should call the hospital to go get checked out.  At this point, I really didn't want to get sent home from the hospital and quite frankly, there was nothing else the doctor's could do for me to stop my labor...if it was in fact, you know.."real" labor.  Since I had never carried triplets before, I didn't know the difference between the normal contractions that someone carrying multiples had and real contractions that meant you were in labor.  These hurt, but I just kept thinking to myself they weren't quite the real thing.  They were about 10 minutes apart (sometimes closer) and lasted for a few hours.  I must have fallen asleep around 6 a.m. because the next thing I knew, Kevin was whispering to me that he was leaving for work.  Kevin's Mom was here and my Mom came over and after a few hours of talking myself out of going to the hospital, I called Kevin and said I'd rather go than stay home and hurt. He was trying to finish a job (before our scheduled Monday, Oct. 25 c-section) and I told him that my Mom and his Mom could take me to the hospital and if they did admit me, he could be there in less than 30 minutes.  I wasn't fond of the idea, but knew he had to get his work done.  I took a shower, put on my make-up...and repacked my hospital bag for the third time.  And then I called him back. I told Kev that I really would prefer that he go with me.  What if I was really in labor? What if they needed to take me back for surgery right then? I didn't want to go without him.  So, he came home and off we went.  It was our third drive to Duke with me in labor. I wanted to think that "this was it..." but part of me wouldn't let my mind go there.  Was I ready? I really didn't know.

I remember thinking halfway there that the contractions had slowed down.  I was scared to tell Kevin in fear that he would want to go home.  Haha...but then I told him and he said, "Well, we're almost there...let's just see what they say." They admitted me quickly and before I knew it, Dr. Smrtka walked in to talk to us.  He had been watching my contractions on the monitor and softly said, "We're going to have three little girls today. I'm waiting for the OR to be cleaned and we'll get you back there within the next two hours." I was shocked, honestly.  Or maybe I was in denial.  Kevin and I just looked at each other and laughed.  Was it really here? Did he really just say we'd be meeting our girls in the next few hours? I was so calm.  Kevin was so calm (as usual). It was not at all how I imagined it would be moments before we went back to welcome our girls into this world.  I had imagined that I would be so nervous and anxious.  But, the truth is, I was so calm.  I had such a peace about me.  I knew the wait was over.  I remember telling Kevin that these were the last few moments that I would ever be pregnant...that I would ever have a baby (or babies!) inside of me.  I felt sad for a second and then remembered I had overcome every odd that was ever placed in front of me while pregnant with triplets.  I smiled to myself as I thought how proud I was to have finally made it.  I won't lie, though...part of me thought "if they could hold off for two more days, I would be 35 weeks"...that seemed so much more monumental than 34 weeks and 5 days.  But, I knew it was time.

Kevin waited in the small triage room as they rolled me to the OR.  Everyone was smiling and I just felt so good about what was about to happen.  Everyone in the room that day made me feel so good. The spinal went smoothly (though they tilted the bed sideways and up to get it to work faster and I swear I was about to roll off the table!)...The anesthesiologist let me know that I wouldn't fall off the table "on his watch"...He cracked jokes the entire time and told me if I didn't want my husband in the room we could just leave him sitting out in the room by himself.  Haha.  I made sure he went and got him, of course! I asked the doctors when the TLC video crew would be in...and they said they were on the way.  The mood of the room was so calming and welcoming. Dr. Smtrka came in and said that because of the shift change that Dr. Fortner and Dr. Gilner would be doing the c-section.  I could have cared less who did the surgery at that point because I was numb and cold and just ready to meet the girls! And we soon did...

Kevin was in charge of taking pictures and I was shocked when the doctors and nurses were telling him to lean over the curtain and get some pictures of the girls physically being pulled out of me.  I was waiting for Kevin to hit the floor, but he said he was so excited that he just kept snapping pictures.  I was begging for him to tell me what was happening, but at that point, I think they were still trying to get to the girls...

And then I heard it: Baby A Time of birth: 5:31.  Reagan Elaine had made her entrance into the world.  Did I miss something? Why didn't she cry? Kevin was grinning from ear to ear as he laid eyes on our first born triplet.  "She's big!" He shouted to me as if I was in a different room.  She was in fact the "real" Baby A (not just Baby A at birth).  A minute later, I heard the most amazing cry ever.  And then I started to bawl like a baby.  It was Sadie Claire. Whole and perfect. Tiny and cute. That sound was the sweetest thing I had ever heard.  Not that the births of my other children were any less significant, but there was something about Sadie's birth that was so different.  The relief, the fear, the wait...the prayers, the hopes, the possibilities...everything just ended when I saw her.  To be honest, I was quite scared to meet her.  Scared I would think differently of her.  Scared I would be so wrapped up in her condition that I would not see the miracle that was given to me.  It was exactly the opposite.  I totally forgot there was such a condition and fell immediately in love with her 3 lb. 9.5 ounce self.  She was beautiful. And not just because she was mine.  She is beautiful because she reminds me what a gift a life is.  That carrying a baby and bringing them into the world is a gift.  And why God chose to give me three of them at one time, I will never know.  She truly is the definition of prayer because I can't tell you how many times I was literally on my knees begging God to "fix" her.  He "fixed" her alright...and not necessarily physically.  He fixed her right into my heart and she fits perfectly beside Lily, Landon, Reagan, and Caroline. :)

And then there was Caroline.  Her plump little self (all 5 lbs. 7 ounces!) took a few minutes to "wake up" before we could see her.  She was so incredibly squished (so much that she broke my sternum bone and it healed while she was inside me!) and was just retaining a lot of fluid.  When I saw her, my first thought was that she looked just like Landon.  And then I just wanted to squeeze her cheeks. :)

October 20, 2010 will forever be a day that I remember as a day that truly changed me.  The miracle I encountered that day will always be crystal clear to me. Our three beautiful girls made their grand entrance into this world and completed our family. I will never fully understand why, but we were certainly blessed when God gave our girls the gift of life.

The first time I saw Sadie. 

Sadie and Reagan

Kevin holding Sadie and Reagan

Miss Caroline joined us a few minutes later!