Today

Lily has been longing to be five since before she turned four. She asks almost every day when she will be five so she can go to kindergarten. I don't know why kindergarten has become so engraved in that sweet little head of hers, but it has. I know she wants to ride the bus, but I can't possibly imagine it's that magical of an occurrence to wish your life away for. But, then again, she's four. And she doesn't get it.

I have a million things I want to teach my kids. Things like loving God, being themselves, loving themselves. The list goes way on, but one thing that has taken me entirely too long to learn and understand is how to live for today. You know, how to relish in the moment, not take a second for granted, and realize that the only time we have is right now. You see, it wasn't until I was told that one of our triplet daughter's I was carrying had a debilitating condition that would make her less than "perfect" that I truly started to learn how to live for today. I'm not good at it, by any means, but I can tell a difference in myself.  A difference that my husband notices from time to time, too.  He notices that I don't stress out as much when my two year old dents our new hardwood floors with a remote control car. Or when my four year old runs to the bathroom because she's been holding it for hours and stands in front of the toilet and pees on herself and everything else thats beneath her.  That's life. It's not perfect and if I sit here and try to make it that way I will make me and everyone else around me crazy. The point is, you have to walk through life one day at a time. Not searching for answers in places you'll never find them. Not spend your days mad because the world doesn't understand what you are going through.  You have to be happy, thankful, and hopeful that you have been given today to spend it how you wish. I hope my children spend their days knowing each one is special. And each one is not promised.

I can't tell you how many years I spent waiting for another birthday so I could get my permit, get my license, go to college, etc. I wish now that I had not longed so much for those things and just lived.  Lately, we have been traveling and just been so busy in general that it's hard to distinguish between doing the things we have to do and making lasting family memories.  The past few nights we have been playing in the yard because when the sun starts to go down, it's absolutely beautiful. The babies crawling and rolling all over a big quilt in the middle of the grass. Lily riding her bike in the driveway and in the street, Landon riding his bike down the hill with his feet high in the air...it's a sight that I want to freeze in my mind forever.  It's the sight that I pictured in my mind as a little girl, when I pictured my life as a mother.  I'm here. Right where I dreamed of being.  And it only took me 27.5 years to realize that I should have loved every stepping stone that got me here...instead, I was always looking forward to the next one.

But, not anymore.  There will be no more pregnancies, no more new babies. (We've absolutely LOVED that part of our life for the last 4 years!)...instead there will be more front yard cuddling, front porch swinging, morning snuggles, steamrolling in the living room, etc.

I'm so thankful for today. And today, I'm so thankful. :)