Timing

A little over three months ago, it happened.  I had my last conversation with my Mom. My kids snuggled with their Gram for the last time, and my heart, well...I lost a part of it that I will never, ever get back.  I've learned a lot about myself over the past few months.  Things I didn't want to know, mostly. But, one thing is for sure: timing is everything.

We've celebrated birthdays, sold a house (Kevin's, not ours!), paraded around the neighborhood in costumes, voted for a new President, and have tried oh-so-hard to get back into a routine...a new normal that instills in my children that no matter what happens to you in life, you can put a smile on your face and keep going. After all  it's one of the greatest things my own mother could have ever taught me. And I am happy to pass it on.

I have been amazed at the generosity, love, and support of others. A random card in the mail, a Facebook message, a text, cookies on my doorstep, dinner for our family.  The list goes on and on.  It is true that if you bless others, you will be blessed in return, and in an effort to continue to "pay it forward", I will continuously strive to help others in every way possible. Your prayers and random acts of kindness have carried me when nothing else could. In the midst of what most would call a complete nightmare, I have seen the light.  The good in others, the timing of it all.  My Mom got to spend almost two years with her 5 youngest grandchildren. Watching them grow, teaching them about life, and loving them in a way that only she could do. And for that, I will be forever thankful.  I am not saying that she won't (and doesn't) continue to be an incredible Gram to them...I am just thankful they got to know and love her prior to her having a stroke. 

I have said this before, but now more than ever, I have been reminded of how perfect timing factors into our lives.  The people we encounter every single day are there for a reason. To guide us and remind us, that we are right where we need to be. 

Last night, we returned from a much needed get-away with Kevin's family in Asheville, where we spent Thanksgiving taking hikes, playing near the neighborhood lake, and eating way too much! We had so much fun making s'mores, sitting around the table talking about life, and reflecting on why we are so incredibly blessed.

After we got home and visited with my Mom, I felt the sudden urge to decorate for Christmas. And if you know me at all, you know that nothing I do is ever simple or without much work.  After begging Kevin to get all nine (yes, I know, that is a little ridiculous!) boxes of Christmas decorations down for me, I was hell bent on decorating the house right then.  He got it all out and we brought it into the living room...and it started. My mind quickly went back to every Christmas that my Mom and I spent putting up the tree and decorating our house.  She always made it so magical for me and opening those boxes opened an entire part of me I had forgotten about.  You see, Christmas is my Mom's favorite holiday for a lot of reasons, but mostly because it meant that she always had her children and their families by her side.  She loves nothing more than to be with her children and their children at the holidays, and this year will be no different.  I started to sob as I pulled out the crazy-expensive, pre-lit garland she bought me. I could clearly hear her voice in my head telling me I didn't have enough lights on the tree. She would immediately walk into the room and start rearranging my ornaments, which would drive me absolutely crazy. She bought the kids some crazy jingle bell metal Christmas trees that didn't match a bit of my decor, but of course, she insisted that I kept them out.  I continued to dig through the red and green boxes that stored so many memories, my tears dripping on everything in their way.  When my heart couldn't take it anymore, I called my Mom, crying like a baby...

I told her I was decorating for Christmas and just missed her. She said, "Aww..." and then some random gibberish that no one else but me would understand.  Her voice calmed me down. Soothed me, just like she was sitting right there with me. It was late, but those few minutes of hearing the tone of my mother's voice was all that I needed to move on.  Move on from feeling sorry for myself, being sad she wasn't here to boss me around with my Christmas decorations.  I got off the phone thankful.  Thankful that I still have a mother to call, thankful she will be coming home a few days before Christmas, and thankful that I will get to spend another Christmas with the best friend I've ever had. Perfect timing, I suppose. :)