Perspective

Let's face it. I haven't exactly had it "easy" the past few months. I choose not to complain about it or wallow in self pity because that will do no one any good. But, what I have learned is a huge life lesson. This is my life. This is our life. A life that I dreamed of for years to come. And like my good friend Laura reminds me on an almost daily basis, is that I can choose to see the beauty in it or not. It's my choice. Needless to say, I have made that choice. Actually, we have. Kevin and I have chosen to choose happiness and optimism over the "What if's?" in life. I can't worry myself sick over the unknowns of life. And to be honest, there has never been another time in my life when there have more of them. I can't beat myself up over the choices we've made or will have to make. We believe they are the right one's and to us, they always will be.

I was talking to my friend, Adrienne, yesterday and she said something that really resonated with me. She said, "Susan, you just need to embrace it." And as much as I have told myself that I need to embrace the fact that our daughter has hydrocephalus and will need brain surgery at a few days old, I don't think I truly did embrace it until that moment. Now that we know more about her condition and we have met with one of the country's best pediatric neurosurgeons, I feel very confident about how we will care for her and the steps Kevin and I will take to make sure she gets the absolute best care she needs, when she needs it. We already have. Although, we are hoping that she will "just" get a shunt at birth and have no other severe issues, there is no guarantee. But, then again tomorrow isn't guaranteed for any of us, either.

We are embracing the fact that we are having three girls. Would we have loved another boy? Sure! Do we already love these three girls and talk about who they are going to look like and how they are going to act? All the time. We joke about how spoiled Landon is going to be, with Kevin reassuring me that he will need Ronaldo cleats when he starts soccer and a shiny new set of Callaway golf clubs. We have embraced the fact that he will be our only son and we couldn't have picked (or made!) a better one. Though I thought that Kevin would be overly disappointed that we will have a house full of girls, he has more than embraced it. He is ecstatic, especially when he thinks about all of the dance recitals we will be attending. ;) I guess I thought because he grew up with two older brothers, that he wanted that for his son, as well. But, he clearly understands how lucky he is to have one son. And that's all he needs. That's all we need. Everyone's family is different. Some don't know what it's like to have a sister and some don't know what it's like to have a brother...and they will never know the difference.

We have embraced the fact that we are going to be absolutely "cozy" (to say the least!) in our house when the girls arrive. We have shuffled, rearranged, organized, moved, and planned for our new three bundles of joy. And though I think I have their sleeping, clothing storage, and feeding storage arrangements all figured out, we don't. I'm sure when all of their "stuff" is overflowing into all parts of the house, I will be reminded again that my plans are never my own.

And me, I was just born to be the mother of 4 sweet girls and a boy who purely defines the word. And when I think about our life and how much joy they have and will bring me over the remainder of my life, I just smile. I will embrace it, I have embraced it, and I'm going to embrace the challenges, the triumphs, the joys, the sorrows. It's our life and if we don't choose to see the beauty in it, no one else will. And I can assure you, it's a beautiful life.