26 weeks

I was nervous. I went to the doctor for my 26 weeks check up and growth scan and for whatever reason, I felt like today was going to be the day. The day they told me to go home and get in bed and don't get out. I was praying that wasn't the case, but my body was probably thinking otherwise. I've put myself on a "modified" bedrest because frankly, it hurts to do much of anything. I can't sit or lay down for long periods of time. Reclining hurts after a while. I feel so much pressure when I stand up, that I can't do that for very long, either. (I know, you are probably thinking, well what can she do!) I wonder the same thing. Not much. I work from home on my laptop and that's about it. I can get out of bed or the recliner for short amounts of time, but am soon out of breath and begging to sit back down. That's just the way it is and although it's less than ideal, I can do anything for 8 or 9 more weeks. Afterall, we're talking about the rest of my girls' lives. It's worth every second of uncomfortable that I feel each day. :)

They didn't put me on strict bedrest because my cervix looked great. However, they obviously know that trips to the mall, Target, and grocery store have and aren't on my agenda these days. Surprisingly, I look forward to the day that I'm the grocery shopper again and can run errands. (Even if it might turn out to be in the middle of the night because I am the mother of five!). I miss that. But, again, I am very happy to listen to the doctor's and do what is best for all of us at this point. And that just means to eat and stay put.

The sonographer really struck a chord with me today. I'd never met her. Duke is a large medical organization and although I go to the same office for every visit, they have various people filling in for others while out on vacation, sick, etc. So, I had never met this particular one. It was a growth scan so I knew I better start chatting with her or it would be a long few hours. She was bubbly and happy to be alive today and I was thankful for that. I needed someone uplifting because for whatever reason, I was just down in the dumps. I talked to her about Baby B and asked (like I always do!) if she could let me know her head measurements and her ventricle sizes, etc. She was more than happy to give me those measurements and when she got to Baby B, she turned the ultrasound machine to 4D. She was beautiful. I was trying to hold back my tears as I watched her put her hand on her cheek, yawn, and just pose for us. I honestly hadn't seen a good picture of her face until today. (She will never sit still long enough - imagine that!) I watched as the sonographer kept freezing the frame and printing the pictures for me to look at later. You know, as I sat there, I began to decipher her every feature...looking for something that would tell me whether or not she has down syndrome or anything else. Not that you can tell solely on a sonogram picture, but I just wanted something to make me know. I didn't get that answer and we won't until I get to hold her in my arms, but you know what? I love her. I've loved her since the time I knew about her. And I will love her whether she has hydrocephalus, down syndrome, or the chicken pox (or all of them!). We created her and I love her in the exact same way as I do all of my other four children. Will my life change in a way I can't even fathom? Of course. But, it's going to change anyway with five children.

What got to me today was when the sonographer said to me, "Can you imagine Christmas at your house? With all of these little girls and your son and your other daughter? How amazing is it going to be to watch them all?" And when she said that, my eyes filled up with tears and I got choked up as I responded. No, I can't imagine what it will be like. Lots of happiness, smiles, and love. I pictured all five of our children lined up on the stairs because their Daddy made them wait so he can videotape them walking into the living room. I just smiled. God knew I needed that sonographer today...to remind me that no matter who my children become, no matter what they do right and wrong in life, no matter what house we live in, where we live, or what happens along this journey, that their presence in my life will be so overwhelmingly joyous, I won't need anything else. Is our journey far from over? I think so...it's probably barely begun! But, I will tell you this - that sonographer quickly made everything fade and focused my attention on the moments that I will cherish forever. The moments that will make my seven person family complete. :)