I take a lot of things for granted. Everyday. You probably do, too. But, that's just how we are. We're human. There are so many times that I tell myself that I should not take "this" or "that" for granted. It's like I'm taking a picture in my mind and freezing that moment to remind myself that when life drags me through the dirt, I should still be able to enjoy the free riches of life. No matter what your excuse is, you know you've done it: been too tired to kiss your husband goodnight, scrubbed your child so quickly in the bathtub that the tub didn't have a chance to fill up, or even become frustrated when the mailman came 10 minutes late (even though, he/she technically has all day to deliver your mail). We just take advantage of our routines, the people, the feelings.
I don't think that we ever really let go of the lack of appreciation we have for our lives, no matter how bad it gets. I don't know about you, but I seem to appreciate life more when the life of those around me goes bad. That sounds terrible, but true. You get that better you than me feeling and you are consciously reminded of how life could change, but count your lucky stars that it won't be your family or friends shuffling the deck of cards hoping for the best. At least for now.
That gets me to the point of this entire post: I have a "friend"...I've known her since elementary school. We were never best friends by any means, but we were childhood friends and kept up with each other via MySpace and most recently, Facebook. She is a hoot. She is an engaged mother of two sweet baby girls and has devoted her young adulthood to raising them. I don't know firsthand, but from what I can tell she is an incredible mother. She unconditionally loves those girls. And quite frankly, it looks like she spit them both out. She has experienced lots of heartache throughout the years, yet still manages to happily provide for the girls that she would do anything for. I have no idea of the details of the relationship she is in, and don't really care to. All I care about is her and right now, she is going through a nightmare.
She was very excited to find out the sex of her new unborn baby, early last December. After having two girls, she was very thrilled that it was a boy! She was so excited. What a blessing - two girls and then a boy to top off the fam. I noticed her Facebook "status" (yes, I'm that observant or have way too much time on my hands) began to say things like "Why is everything with this baby so hard? I have fought so hard for him..and here I am not knowing how long I have with him.." Comments like this led me to believe that she had been given some devestating news. News that no mother wants to hear, or even think about. That something might be wrong with her baby. Days went by and her zest for life was still evident while choosing his name: it was a toss up between Jackson and Gage. She chose Gage - how sweet! I'd written her a comment, then a message...to let he rknow that I was thinking about her and praying for her. No response. I was not mad at all. I just put myself in her shoes and was hoping she'd reach out to me for support. Because the good Lord knows if something ever happened to one of my babies, I'd need more than support. I'm sure her inbox has been flooded with messages from random people and "friends" like me, so I really have never expected a response. I learned via her status the other day, that Gage was no longer with us. Not in her belly, not here on Earth. Gone. I was crying like a baby as a I read her status that said "Lauren is...numb." So, was I. Can you imagine being four and half months pregnant and having your baby being born via c-section only to pass away minutes later? I can only assume by context that that is what has happend. And the truth is, I don't know how she feels. I'm sure she is more than numb. But no words that I could say would help her. It's just one of those times where you don't really know what to say or when to say. Will it make her feel better or worse? Will it make her smile or cry? I don't know the answers but I can definitely tell you I have kissed my babies more than once today...thanking God they were with me, here on Earth. I hope to wave at the mail lady that delivers our mail, no matter what time it is...and I'll certainly kiss my husband goodnight, even if he is already half-asleep...
Lauren: If you are reading, I love you and am so proud of the strength and courage you have shown over the past few weeks. You are such a great mother. Virginia, Savannah, and Gage have been blessed to be called your children. They couldn't ask for a better mother. You should be so proud. And though no one person could ever take away your heartache or your pain, and bring Gage back to you here on Earth, there is one person that will take you straight to him one day. But, you've got a lot of life to live before then and your sweet Gage will be patiently waiting for you.
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