Like a Baby

Lily is turning two on Saturday. I have been planning her birthday since God knows when, trying to make it perfect for her. She won't remember it, I know, but I'd like for her to have a perfect day...if I can help it. We rented a shelter at Pullen Park, which is known for its antique train and carousel and beautiful scenary. When I called the park yesterday to double check that I did not need to buy advance tickets for the train, etc. they casually let me know that they are renovating the train tracks and that the train will most likely not be completed by Saturday. Really? Because I am pretty sure that is the main reason birthday parties take place at the park in the first place. Two breaths away from having a meltdown, I calmly reminded myself that this is a two-year-olds birthday and she will never know the difference (except for the tiny fact that she has been reminding me that a Choo-Choo will be at her Bir-bay all week). So, hopefully she will really love the carousel and will never know the train was supposed to be there.

I quickly noticed her crocodile tears as I was running out to grab dinner for all of us. She didn't want to stay at home, so I swooped her up, barefoot and all and we drove off to get dinner. As we were driving home, she randomly started telling me all sorts of things. She told me how she couldn't find her shoes, was opening Daddy's straw, and wanted a french fry, please. I had to respond to her every sentence and I had to respond appropriately. She didn't want a half-hearted answer, nor did she want me to answer in silence. She preferred that I agree with her and look at her while she was chatting away.

It was right then that I looked in the rear view mirror and saw this little girl. My baby girl. Her long spiral curls dangled in front of her face, as she smiled and politely ordered me to listen closely to what she was saying. Her giggles gave my butterflies as I started reminicing about the past year. Had another whole year really gone by? I cried like a baby the rest of the way home.

It's very difficult for me to remember life without Lily. I can't remember my house without toys, sippy cups, and bottles. Nor do I know what I did in my "free time". Who did I beg to rock to sleep just because I loved the warmth of my only daughter next to me? Who turned my day around in an instant buy simply smiling at me? What was my purpose here on this Earth before she was ever made? I don't know. I really don't. But, I do know that I have been forever changed by becoming the mother of my sweet Lily Kathryn. She blesses me daily and reminds me that no matter what life brings, it can be sweetened by the innocence of her love. As I have watched her grow, learn, and change over the past year, I have etched so many memories into my heart that I can't wait to share with her one day. I believe it now why my Mom and others always said "it goes by so fast...". I feel like I'm going to blink and she'll be starting kindergarten or falling in love. But, for now, I am just looking forward to Saturday.