I Take That Back

I remember reminding myself to never say never when it came to parenting. The screaming child that you so badly wanted to hush while you were eating dinner...or the mother that is dragging her not-so-happy two-year-old down the aisle at the grocery store. You never know their story, so although I have been very guilty of wanting them to do something about their children, it wasn't a problem. With that said, I have tried for almost two and a half years to never say I would never let my child do this or do that or act this way. Sure, we discipline them and they listen most of the time, but they are kids. It is my responsibility as a parent to make sure to always teach them to do the right thing, even though they probably won't always do it. Sometimes daily, I ask myself, "Should I have responded to the situation like that?" Later, I might think "I should have said this..." Regardless, I have had to back track a few times in my life when it comes to parenting. And while this particular back tracking isn't such a big deal, it was a huge lesson to me.

Remember Marla? Well, Lily loved her. She created her, dressed her (in purple and pink starred panties) and did just fine when you put her pacifiers in Marla's tummy. Though, a few days after Marla came home with us, Lily started wetting the bed (during nap time - she is still too young to hold it at night). In her almost 3 months of being potty trained, she had never wet the bed during her naps (and she takes a 2-3 hour nap everyday). And, in our eyes, all of a sudden she starting wetting the bed during her nap, waking up crying, only after a few minutes of being asleep. And most of the time, she had just gone pee! I was getting very frustrated and let this go on for entirely too long. I know I shouldn't have been frustrated, but I was. My totally potty-trained child had now reverted to peeing in the bed as if she was wearing a diaper...but she wasn't! It happened for a day or so and then about every other day...soon it was daily! I started researching about potty training and when kids revert, etc. Everything I could find was about kids who had never been potty trained and couldn't hold their pee during their naps. Lily could. And that was my main frustration. She had been doing it for almost three months! I didn't want to have her wear a pull up because she thought they were just like diapers and "knows" she can pee in them and it will not get everywhere. I felt like if I let her wear a pull up during her nap, I was basically giving her permission to pee in the bed because it wouldn't get everywhere.

So, I came across one last article that discussed how changes in a child's life could hinder their ability to psychologically "hold it" while taking a nap. Things such as: a change in school, a new sibling, moving to a new house. All of which we had not experienced. And then there was the last item on the list: taking a significant item (pacifier, blanket, etc.) away from a child.

Oh my gosh! What had I done!? I felt like a total failure of a parent. Why hadn't I realized that when I was thinking about getting rid of the pacifiers? I was devestated that I had "done" this to my child. She was perfectly potty trained and now I have caused her to revert because I took her pacifier away from her, even though I didn't have a great reason (I just was beginning to think she was too old for it). She only slept with it at night and during naps. She did not carry it around with her, but just wanted it when she was in bed.

After a long discussion with my husband, we weighed the pros and cons or giving her pacifier back to her. What if we did and she just stopped wetting the bed? What if we gave it back to her and she was still wetting the bed - then we'd have two problems!? After our trip to Asheville, where she wet the bed during both naps, we were desperate. We gave her back her pacifier that night. And then again at naptime the next day. And lo and behold, she didn't wet the bed! That was obviously the issue and I was so mortified that I didn't think of that before and we were so stressed out for three weeks prior. She has had an occassional accident in bed since then but that's certainly okay!

Lesson learned. She is happy as a lark with her passy (she no longer calls it her "bobby") and wakes up and exclaims: "I need to go pee, Mama!"...Happily, I quickly help her to the potty!